The Sportsman's Baby Whine:

Take 1 whiney baby and put into shallow empty baby pool. Shove golf ball into mouth. With aluminum baseball bat beat baby. Then drop 10 lb. bowling ball on baby's head. With football cleats climb into pool and mush and smash baby into a gushy bloody liquid. This may take awhile, so you might want to make a party of it. Barbacue and beer, everybody taking a turn. The first person to puke from excessive alcohol intake gets to do the honors and puke into the baby pool. Stir with hockey stick. Pass out on backyard lawn. The next day drag baby pool with contents into shed and pull boat tarp snuggly over pool and secure. Let age. 1 month later, use a fishing net to scoop out any solid matter. Put into tuperware bowl to use as bait later. Syphon liquid into beer keg. Put lid on. Invite friends over for another blow out awesome party. This time serve cheese and french bread to go with your Sportsman's Baby Whine.

- Recipe submitted by Marquise Renee Pelagie de Sade